IT 

HI 


807.73 

LSQ6.1        Leasing.    Br-uno 

UTHOR 

Jake   -   or   Sam 


BORROWER'S    NAME 


807.73   Leasing,  Bruno 

Jake  -  or  Sam 


y 

Y 


JAKE— or  SAM 


I     CAUGHT     UP     MIT     MYSELF  !        DOT'S     DER 
MATTER !  " 


JAKE— or  SAM 


BY 

BRUNO  LESSING 


New  York 

Desmond  FitzGerald,   Inc. 
Publishers 


Copyright,  1908.  by 
INTERNATIONAL   MAGAZINE  CO. 

Copyright,  1909,  by 
DESMOND  FITZGERALD.  Inc. 


I  ityja-  • 

i      *    1 


JAKE— or  SAM 


JAKE— or  SAM 

Spiegelbrauer  lived  on  Avenue  A. 
Spiegelbrauer  was  exceedingly  fat. 
Spiegelbrauer  was  an  amazing  sleeper. 
These  three  facts  may  be  stated  as 
indisputable,  or  in  the  language  of 
Kegelhopfen,  "  midout  fear  of  sug- 
sessful  gontradiction."  Whether  Spie- 
gelbrauer was  such  an  amazing  sleeper 
because  he  was  fat,  or  whether  he  was 
fat  because  he  was  such  an  amazing 
sleeper,  is  one  of  those  debatable  ques- 
tions upon  which,  probably,  no  two 
disputants  would  agree.  Let  us,  there- 
fore, content  ourselves  with  the  incon- 
trovertible. 

When  the  clock  in  Father  Ignatius's 
church  struck  ten  Spiegelbrauer  would 
yawn  and  roll  into  bed.  Within  two 
minutes  he  would  be  sound  asleep,  and 
snoring — although  the  snoring  does  not 


'Jake — or  Sam 

figure  in  this  story.  Once  asleep,  his 
slumber  would  last  dreamlessly  until 
ten  o'clock  in  the  morning.  Then 
Spiegelbrauer  would  open  his  eyes  and 
smile — a  pleasant,  lovable  smile.  The 
roll  of  the  seasons,  the  precession  of 
the  equinoxes,  and  the  laws  of  gravita- 
tion were  no  more  regular  or  inflexible 
than  were  Spiegelbrauer's  sleeping 
habits.  He  was  well-to-do  and  re- 
tired from  active  business  and  could, 
therefore,  afford  the  luxury  of  long 
sleep.  He  was  unmarried  and  so  could 
indulge  in  it  without  interfering  with 
the  comfort  of  others.  So  thoroughly 
had  the  habit  of  twelve  hours'  sleep 
fastened  itself  upon  him  that  his  whole 
life  was  regulated  in  accordance  with 
it.  After  ten  o'clock  at  night  there 
was  nothing  for  Spiegelbrauer  to  do. 
Before  ten  o'clock  in  the  morning  there 
was  not  the  slightest  way  of  killing 
time.  Between  10  A.M  and  10  P.M.  his 
daily  promenade  in  Tompkins  Square, 
his  morning  game  of  chess  at  Hoff- 
man's Cafe,  his  two-hour  perusal  of  the 
evening  newspaper,  and  his  ten  games  of 


Jake — or  Sam 

pinocle  at  Kegelhopfen's,  to  say  noth- 
ing of  his  three  meals  and  six  cigars, 
all  fell  into  the  day's  chronology  with 
the  precision  and  the  regularity  of  the 
clock.  The  life  of  a  planet  could  have 
been  no  more  regular  than  Spiegel- 
brauer's,  the  life  of  a  turtle,  no  more 
tranquil,  until — oh!  memorable  day — 
the  Man  with  the  Glass  Eye  came. 

Upon  the  shoulders  of  Kegelhopfen 
must  always  rest  the  responsibility  for 
bringing  the  Man  with  the  Glass  Eye 
into  the  life  of  Spiegelbrauer — and  for 
bringing  him  in  at  the  moment  that 
was  so  peculiarly  propitious  for  the 
accomplishment  of  the  memorable 
sequence.  The  clock  in  Father  Ig- 
natius's  church  had  struck  the  half- 
hour  between  nine  and  ten;  Spiegel- 
brauer, complaining  of  a  headache,  had 
shuffled  the  cards  for  his  last  game 
of  pinocle,  when  the  Man  with  the 
Glass  Eye  entered  Kegelhopfen's 
saloon,  and  with  a  cheery  "  Hello, 
Keg!"  ordered  a  glass  of  beer. 

Kegelhopfen  greeted  him  with  an 
enthusiasm  that  attracted  the  attention 


Jake — or  Sam 

of  all  the  patrons  of  the  place.  "  Veil ! 
Veil!  If  it  ain'd  my  old  friend,  Chake! 
I  am  astoneished!  Vere  haf  you 
been?" 

"  Oh,  I've  just  arrived  from  Berlin. 
Had  some  business  with  the  emperor. 
Ask  your  friends  to  have  a  drink  with 
me." 

Then  it  was  that  Kegelhopfen  led 
the  Man  with  the  Glass  Eye  to  the 
table  where  Spiegelbrauer  sat,  and  with 
a  sweep  of  his  arm  and  a  mumbling  of 
incoherent  sounds  performed  the  cere- 
mony of  a  general  introduction. 
Spiegelbrauer,  observing  instantly  that 
the  newcomer  had  a  glass  eye,  soon 
found  himself  fascinated  by  the  unruly 
antics  of  that  artificial  member.  It 
had  a  curious  habit  of  rolling  in  a 
fixed  orbit  until  it  reached  its  zenith 
and  then  suddenly  dropping  to  its 
nadir  and  resuming  its  course  in  the 
opposite  direction.  The  other  eye, 
however,  was  bright  and  twinkled  in- 
cessantly. There  was  something  ex- 
ceedingly attractive  about  the  chap, 
a  radiation  of  personal  magnetism  that 

10 


THE  FRENCH  GOVERNMENT  WOULD  GIVE  A 
GOOD  DEAL  TO  KNOW  WHERE  I  AM  AT  THIS 
MOMENT  " 


Jake — or  Sam 

so  frequently  accompanies  a  cheerful 
and  more  or  less  frivolous  nature. 
Spiegelbrauer  conceived  an  instinctive 
liking  for  the  Man  with  the  Glass  Eye. 

'  Vot  iss  it  your  name  vas?"  he 
asked.  "  I  didn't  gatch  it." 

"  Jake,"  came  the  reply.  "  Just  call 
me  Jake.  That  isn't  my  real  name, 
but  when  you're  on  a  secret  mission, 
you  can't  be  too  careful.  The  French 
government  would  give  a  good  deal 
to  know  where  I  am  at  this  moment. 
For  the  past  ten  days,  whenever  I've 
thought  of  how  they're  puzzling  their 
poor  brains  wondering  where  I  went 
to,  I  have  had  to  laugh."  And  he 
burst  into  a  peal  of  merry  laughter 
so  infectious  that  Spiegelbrauer  joined 
him  and  laughed  until  his  ponderous 
frame  quivered. 

"  Dot's  a  good  vun!"  he  exclaimed. 
"  I  like  to  see  der  French  get  it  goot 
unt  hart!  Ach!"  he  added,  a  moment 
later,  "I  haf  such  a  headache!" 

"  Headache !  "  exclaimed  Jake,  with 
quick  sympathy.  '  Why  didn't  you 
say  so  before?  Here,  take  one  of 

12 


Jake — or  Sam 

these.  One  of  the  most  famous  physi- 
cians in  Russia  prescribed  them  for 
me.  They'll  stop  your  headache  in  a 

jiffy." 

Spiegelbrauer  took  one.  Incident- 
ally his  eye  caught  the  name,  "  Bil- 
kins's  Ache  Killer,"  upon  the  paste- 
board box  that  contained  them,  but 
Jake  promptly  explained  that  he  had 
put  the  wonderful  pills  into  the  first 
box  that  came  to  his  hand.  And, 
surely  enough,  in  a  few  minutes 
Spiegelbrauer's  headache  had  van- 
ished. Spiegelbrauer's  spirits  rose 
and,  glancing  at  his  watch,  he  in- 
sisted upon  treating  Jake  to  a  drink. 

"  It  iss  my  bet-time  unt  I  go  to 
bet,"  he  said. 

"What?  Go  to  bed  at  ten 
o'clock?"  said  Jake.  "Absurd!  Did 
I  ever  tell  you  the  story  about  the 
King  of  Italy  going  to  bed  early? " 

"  No,"  replied  Spiegelbrauer,  "  you 
nefer  did."  The  fact  that  he  had 
never  laid  eyes  upon  Jake  before  did 
not  occur  to  him. 

"  Well,  sir,"  Jake  began.     Now,  as 

is 


Jake — or  Sam 

a  rule,  when  a  man  begins  his  narrative 
with  "  Well,  sir,"  he  is  wound  up  for 
a  long  recital.  Jake's  story  lasted 
nearly  three-quarters  of  an  hour,  and 
through  it  all  Spiegelbrauer  listened 
spellbound.  Not  that  the  story  was  at 
all  interesting;  it  was  not  even  co- 
herent. But  the  man  had  the  true 
story-teller's  faculty  of  glib  and  run- 
ning narrative,  and  even  Kegelhopfen 
abandoned  his  bar  to  listen. 

'  You  did  not  tell  us  vot  der  queen 
said  to  der  king,"  said  Spiegelbrauer, 
when  the  story  was  finished.  Jake 
leaned  back  in  his  chair,  pointed  to 
Spiegelbrauer,  and  looked  at  the 
others. 

'  You  see?  He  grasped  the  point  at 
once.  Now  to  make  clear  to  you  what 
the  queen  said  I've  got  to  go  back  to 
how  I  first  met  her." 

And  just  as  he  finished  his  story  the 
clock  in  Father  Ignatius's  church 
struck  midnight! 

"  Donnerwetter! "  cried  Spiegel- 
brauer. '  Twelf  o'clock,  unt  me  not 
in  bet ! "  He  paid  his  score,  bade 

14 


Jake — or  Sam 

them  all  good-night,  and  was  about 
to  leave  when  Jake  said: 

"  If  you  don't  mind  I'll  walk  a  bit 
with  you.  I  don't  feel  sleepy,  and  a 
walk  will  do  me  good." 

During  the  walk  Jake  chatted  most 
amiably  of  all  the  great  folk  he  had 
met  in  Europe,  and  when  they  reached 
Spiegelbrauer's  house  he  was  in  the 
midst  of  a  story  whose  finish  Spiegel- 
brauer  would  not  have  missed  for  the 
world. 

"My!"  he  exclaimed.  "Such  a  in- 
teresting talker!  I  could  listen  mit  you 
all  der  night.  But  I  must  go  to  bet. 
Donnerwetter!  Listen!  It  iss  vun 
o'clock!  Ach,  du  lieber!  Nefer  did 
I  do  it!  Good  night!  Good  night! 
Come  again  to  Kegelhopfen's.  I  like 
to  talk  mit  you.  Good  night! " 

Alas!     It   was   not  to   be. 

"Hark!"  said  Jake.  "What  is 
that?" 

Spiegelbrauer  listened  and  heard  the 
bells  of  fire-engines  rapidly  growing 
louder  and  louder. 

"It  iss  a  fire!"  said  he.     There  is 

15 


Jake — or  Sam 

something  in  the  tumultuous  clangor 
of  fire-bells  that  arrests  the  attention 
of  all  men,  particularly  landlords,  and 
Spiegelbrauer  waited  until  the  fire- 
engines  came  into  view. 

"  It  is  on  this  street,"  said  Jake 
excitedly.  "  Let's  go  and  see.  Maybe 
we  can  help.  Did  I  ever  tell  you  how 
I  rescued  General  Von — I  mean  a 
German  army  officer  from  a  fire? " 

"  No.  You  nefer  did!  Did  you  get 
a  medal? " 

It  was  an  unoccupied  factory  build- 
ing that  had  caught  fire,  and  the  flames 
had  made  such  headway  ere  the  engines 
arrived  that  the  firemen  could  do  noth- 
ing to  check  their  progress  but  con- 
fine their  efforts  to  saving  adjacent 
buildings.  Spiegelbrauer,  fascinated 
by  the  huge  tongues  of  leaping  flame, 
stood  open-mouthed,  watching  the  fire, 
until  the  building  had  burned  to  the 
ground.  Then  the  clock  in  Father 
Ignatius's  church  struck  three.  Spie- 
gelbrauer groaned. 

"  Come  on,  Spiegy "  —Jake  had 
been  calling  him  "  Spiegy  "  for  some 

16 


Jake — or  Sam 

time — "  I  know  a  place  that  is  open 
all  night.  Let's  get  one  night-cap, 
and  then  we'll  turn  in." 

Spiegelbrauer  demurred,  but  Jake 
had  a  way  of  slipping  his  arm  around 
his  companion's  massive  waist  that 
went  straight  to  the  fat  ,man's  heart. 
He  gazed,  quite  fondly,  into  the  rolling 
glass  eye. 

"My,  such  a  coaxer  I  nefer  seen! 
Choost  one  drink  I  take  unt  den- 
sleeps.  Nefer  did  I  do  it!  Nefer!" 

Facilis  descensus!  The  night  hav- 
ing grown  quite  chilly,  Jake  suggested 
one  "  wee  nip  "  of  whiskey  as  a  great 
improvement  upon  cold  beer,  and  when 
he  felt  the  warm  glow  of  the  liquor 
within  him  Spiegelbrauer  fell  an  easy 
victim  to  the  suggestion  of  a  second 
drink,  and  then  a  third.  Exactly  how 
it  all  happened  after  that  Spiegel- 
brauer never  knew,  but  when,  two 
hours  later,  he  found  himself  riding  in 
an  open  carriage  through  Central 
Park,  with  Jake  singing  a  rollicking 
song  beside  him,  he  remembered  dis- 
tinctly that  it  was  his  own  sugges- 

17 


Jake — or  Sam 

tion  and  that  he  had  argued  quite 
strenuously  to  overcome  Jake's  ob- 
jections. 

'  You  haf  gifed  me  much  bleasure," 
he  had  said,  "  unt  now  I  takes  you  for 
some  bleasure.  We  go  in  der  Central 
Bark  unt  see  der  sun  rise.  Vunce  in 
Charmany  I  seen  der  sun  rise.  Ach, 
it  iss  fine! " 

Spiegelbrauer  was  thoroughly  awake. 
He  was  also  thoroughly  sober.  But  a 
feeling  of  absolute  recklessness  pos- 
sessed him.  He  felt  the  necessity  of 
doing  something  to  please  his  com- 
panion, who,  now  that  he  knew  he 
could  trust  Spiegelbrauer,  gave  him 
full  names  and  details  that  he  had 
omitted  from  his  former  narratives. 

"  Now  I  don't  mind  telling  you — 
between  man  and  man,  not  to  go  any 
farther,  you  understand — the  lady  who 
gave  me  the  diamond  ring  I  told  you 
about  was "  —he  gazed  around  anx- 
iously, to  make  sure  that  the  driver 
was  not  listening,  while  Spiegelbrauer, 
with  earnest  expression,  inclined  his 
head  toward  his  companion—  "  was  the 

18 


Jake — or  Sam 

Princess  Carlotta  von  Schleswig- 
Braunschweig! " 

'You  don't  say!"  whispered  Spie- 
gelbrauer.  "  Iss  it  bossible !  " 

The  sun  rose,  and  Jake  philosophic- 
ally remarked,  "  It's  time  for  break- 
fast!" 

Somewhere  between  Central  Park 
and  Avenue  A,  in  broad  daylight,  the 
Man  with  the  Glass  Eye  left  Spiegel- 
brauer.  He  had  an  important  engage- 
ment, he  explained,  with  an  emissary 
of  the  German  ambassador. 

"  See  you  later,"  he  cried  cheerily, 
and  soon  disappeared  from  view. 

It  was  a  forlorn  Spiegelbrauer  that 
trudged  wearily  homeward  that  bright 
morning.  It  was  a  tired,  lonesome, 
unhappy  Spiegelbrauer  that  gazed, 
again  and  again,  at  the  hands  of  the 
clock  as  he  prepared  for  bed.  '  Ten 
o'clock  in  der  morning!  Ach,  der 
lieber  Gott!  I  haf  made  a  night  of 
it!  Ts!  Ts!  Ts!"  But  as  he  slipped 
in  between  the  covers,  he  murmured 
drowsily:  "Fine  feller,  dot  Chake! 
Awful  nice  young  man! " 

19 


Jake — or  Sam 

When  Spiegelbrauer  awoke  the 
room  was  pitch  dark.  He  sat  bolt 
upright  in  bed,  his  eyes  blinking  very 
rapidly  as  his  brain  struggled  to 
grasp  this  new  and  curious  situation. 
Then,  slowly,  as  a  turn  in  a  river 
unfolds  a  new  panorama  to  the  view, 
the  events  of  the  previous  night  ar- 
ranged themselves  in  line  to  his 
awakening  memory.  Spiegelbrauer 
groaned. 

"Fool  vot  I  am!"  he  exclaimed. 
He  arose  and  held  a  lighted  match 
before  the  clock.  It  was  exactly  ten 
o'clock. 

"Fool!  Fool!  Tarn  fool  vot  I 
am! "  he  cried  aloud.  He  opened  a 
window  and  looked  out.  The  street 
was  almost  deserted.  The  day's  traffic 
was  over;  it  was  night.  Spiegelbrauer, 
groaning  dismally,  dressed  himself  and, 
from  force  of  habit,  wended  his  way  to 
Hoffman's  Cafe,  where,  for  years,  he 
had  breakfasted  daily.  Hoffman's 
Cafe  was  closed. 

A  feeling  of  irritation  settled  upon 
Spiegelbrauer.  He  was  hungry — what 

20 


Jake — or  Sam 

right  had  Hoffman's  Cafe  to  be  closed 
before  he  had  eaten?  Never  again 
would  he  go  there.  He  wandered  from 
street  to  street  until  he  found  a  restau- 
rant that  was  open  and  ate  a  liberal 
amount  of  ham  and  eggs,  after  which 
the  feeling  of  irritation  passed  away. 
The  cigar  after  breakfast  tasted  par- 
ticularly good  that  night,  and  a  rosier 
hue  began  to  tinge  Spiegelbrauer's 
view  of  life.  After  all,  what  difference 
could  one  night  make!  He  was  a 
sober,  methodical,  steady-going  citizen 
who  had,  by  purest  accident,  slipped  a 
cog.  Other  men  did  the  thing  fre- 
quently; he  had  done  it  for  the  first 
and  last  time  in  his  life.  No  one  had 
suffered,  nothing  had  been  lost  save  a 
few  hours'  sleep.  He  would  take  his 
customary  stroll  through  the  square, 
drop  in  at  Kegelhopfen's  for  a  glass  of 
beer — perhaps  even  a  single  game  of 
pinocle — and  then,  home  to  bed,  after 
which  eight  or  nine  hours'  sleep  would 
bring  his  daily  routine  to  its  customary 
starting-point.  It  was  a  fairly  happy 
Spiegelbrauer  that  strode  forth  from 

21 


Jake — or  Sam 

the  restaurant  into  the  refreshing  air 
of  Tompkins  Square. 

Alas  for  Spiegelbrauer's  plans!  The 
square  was  quite  deserted,  and  the  un- 
wonted gloom  struck  a  chill  to  his 
heart.  He  seated  himself  upon  a  bench 
and  closed  his  eyes  to  ponder  the  whole 
situation  anew.  A  policeman,  ap- 
proaching with  noiseless  tread,  prodded 
him  vigorously  with  his  stick. 

'  Wake  up,  there !  No  sleeping  in 
the  park." 

Spiegelbrauer,  too  disheartened  to 
protest,  groaned  and  moved  away.  He 
went  to  Kegelhopfen's  saloon.  There 
was  not  a  soul  in  the  place  that  he 
had  ever  seen  before,  save  the  cus- 
todian of  the  bar,  a  red-eyed,  impos- 
sible youth  who  cleaned  the  glasses 
during  the  day. 

'  Vare  is  Kegelhopfen? "  asked 
Spiegelbrauer. 

The  youth  yawned.  "  Home  he  iss 
went.  Always  six  minutes  after  ten 
he  iss  home  went." 

Spiegelbrauer  drummed  nervously 
upon  the  bar.  '  Veil,  gif  me  a  class  of 


Jake — or  Sam 

beer,"  said  he.  The  beer  was  lifeless 
and  stale.  Spiegelbrauer  paid  for  the 
sip  he  had  taken  and  went  home. 
"  Unfriended,  melancholy,  slow,"  he  un- 
dressed and  rolled  into  bed.  And  then 
for  the  first  time,  the  full  and  awful 
truth  of  his  situation  slowly  and  gradu- 
ally unfolded  itself  to  his  paralyzed 
mind.  He  could  not  sleep! 

Hour  after  hour  he  lay  motionless, 
exhausting  every  expedient  he  ever 
had  heard  of,  that  might  possibly 
bring  slumber  to  his  despairing  senses. 
He  counted  up  to  four  thousand. 
Then  he  counted  backward.  He  made 
an  accurate  inventory  of  nine  hundred 
black  sheep  jumping,  one  by  one,  over 
a  rail  fence,  but  the  nine-hundredth 
leaped  as  nimbly  and  as  vividly  as  had 
the  first.  He  recited  "  Die  Wacht  am 
Rhein,"  but  in  the  middle  of  it  he  sat 
bolt  upright  in  bed  and  exclaimed: 
"  Mein  Gott!  Am  I  going  crazy?" 
He  rose  from  bed  and  lit  a  pipe, 
and  gradually  the  tension  of  his  nerves 
relaxed,  and  he  felt  a  soothing  tran- 
quillity steal  over  him — but  no  sleep. 

23 


Jake — or  Sam 

Then  he  began  to  think  of  Jake,  and 
it  was  not  until  the  clock  in  Father 
Ignatius's  church  struck  three  that  he 
started  from  his  reverie.  He  went  to 
bed  again  and  counted  up  to  fifteen 
hundred,  and  then,  crying,  "  Tarn  dot 
Chake!  "  he  arose,  dressed  himself,  and 
went  out  into  the  night. 

To  chronicle  his  wanderings  between 
that  moment  and  daylight,  to  recount 
the  attempts  he  made  to  dissipate  the 
alert  wakefulness  that  possessed  him 
and  to  acquire  a  feeling  of  sleepiness, 
to  describe  his  absolute  loneliness  and 
the  sickening  realization  that  came  to 
him  every  hour  that  all  his  life  was 
upside  down,  this  would  require  a 
volume.  In  fact,  Spiegelbrauer,  whose 
mind  was  none  of  the  swiftest,  lived  a 
psychological  volume  in  every  ten  min- 
utes. He  knew  not  what  to  do.  He 
knew  not  where  to  go.  He  walked 
until  he  was  tired,  then  he  sat  down 
on  a  doorstep  and  rested.  Once  it 
occurred  to  him  to  drink  a  great  quan- 
tity of  beer  in  order  to  acquire  the 
drowsy  feeling  that  he  yearned  for, 

24 


Jake — or  Sam 

but  after  the  first  glass  he  abandoned 
the  idea.  Somehow  or  other  beer  did 
not  taste  quite  right  just  then.  To- 
ward daybreak  he  became  hungry,  and 
coming  upon  a  restaurant  that  he  had 
never  seen  before,  he  ate  a  hearty  meal. 

To  his  delight  he  found  that  the  beer 
was  beginning  to  resume  its  customary 
taste.  He  drank  glass  after  glass,  and 
slowly,  yet  steadily,  its  soporific  effect 
began  to  work  upon  his  senses,  and  he 
felt  a  gentle  sleepiness  steal  over  him. 
He  glanced  at  his  watch.  It  was  half- 
past  nine.  He  sighed. 

When  the  clock  in  Father  Ignatius's 
church  struck  ten  Spiegelbrauer  rolled 
wearily  into  bed  and  in  an  instant  was 
sound  asleep.  He  slept  until  ten 
o'clock  that  night. 

For  an  entire  week  Spiegelbrauer 
went  through  this  daily  torment  in  a 
kind  of  daze.  Not  only  had  all  his 
life  and  habits  been  suddenly  turned 
topsy-turvy,  but  with  the  change  even 
the  limited  capacity  of  his  mind  for 
grappling  with  unaccustomed  condi- 

25 


Jake — or  Sam 

tions  seemed  to  have  been  wiped  out. 
His  brain  had  grown  absolutely  torpid. 
It  was  all  he  could  do  to  devise  means 
of  passing  the  deadly  wakeful  hours 
of  night.  Once,  instinctively,  when  he 
awoke  at  ten  o'clock  at  night,  he  de- 
termined to  remain  in  bed  all  night  and 
steal  what  additional  sleep  he  could 
until  the  morning,  when  he  would  arise 
and  resume  the  old  routine.  But  the 
pangs  of  hunger  drove  him  out  to  seek 
a  midnight  breakfast.  Once — and  only 
once — it  occurred  to  him  to  remain 
awake  all  day  and  begin  the  old  routine 
at  bedtime  that  night.  Alas!  Had  he 
not  hastened  to  his  bed  at  the  stroke 
of  ten  he  knew  he  would  have  fallen 
asleep  in  his  chair.  Aside  from  the 
endless  recurrence  of  gloomy  ideas  that 
filled  his  bewildered  mind  during  its 
wakeful  hours,  there  was  but  one  co- 
herent thought,  one  vivid,  ever-present 
memory — the  Man  with  the  Glass  Eye. 
He  wandered  into  Kegelhopfen's  one 
night — he  had  dressed  hurriedly  and 
had  not  even  breakfasted,  and  it  was 
only  a  quarter  past  ten  when  he  ar- 

26 


Jake — or  Sam 

rived,  but  Kegelhopfen  had  already 
gone. 

"  Home  he  iss  went,"  explained  the 
red-eyed  youth.  "  Always  six  minutes 
after  ten  he  iss  home  went.  V'y  you 
don't  come  in  der  day?" 

"  It  cannot  be,"  said  Spiegelbrauer. 
"  But  ven  he  comes  in  der  morning 
you  tell  him  I  vant  to  know  vot  iss  der 
last  name  of  Chake,  der  man  mit  der 
glass  eye.  He  knows  who  iss  it  I 
mean.  Tell  him  to  write  it  down,  unt 
I  vill  call  for  it  to-morrow  night." 

Eagerly,  breathlessly,  hopefully  Spie- 
gelbrauer turned  up  the  following  night. 
"  Haf  you  got  it?  "  he  asked. 

The  youth  shook  his  head.  "  Mister 
Kegelhopfen  knows  der  Chake  vot  you 
mean,  but  he  don't  know  Chake's  last 
name,  unt  he  don't  know  vare  he  lifs. 
He  t'inks  his  foist  name  iss  Pete  or 
Bill,  but  he  ain't  sure.  He  vill  ask  him 
ven  he  comes." 

From  that  moment  the  Man  with  the 
Glass  Eye  became  an  obsession  with 
Spiegelbrauer.  In  his  wakeful  hours, 
throughout  the  tedium  of  the  endless 

27 


Jake — or  Sam 

night,  he  thought  of  him.  Through 
all  his  daily  sleep  he  dreamed  of  him. 
Spiegelbrauer's  past  became  a  dim 
memory.  His  future,  a  misty,  hopeless 
tangle,  gradually  began  to  be  bound 
up  with  the  Man  with  the  Glass  Eye. 

To  find  Jake  again  became  the  sole 
object  of  Spiegelbrauer's  existence. 
What  he  would  do  or  say  when  he 
met  him,  or  how  the  Man  with  the 
Glass  Eye  could  possibly  remedy  the 
evil  that  he  had  wrought,  Spiegel- 
brauer  never  paused  to  consider.  All 
he  wanted  was  to  find  Jake  again. 
Jake  was  responsible  for  all  his  misery. 
Jake  had  tempted  him  and  had  led  him 
astray.  Jake  had  made  him  turn  night 
into  day  and  day  into  night.  The 
entire  bottom  had  fallen  out  of  Spie- 
gelbrauer's existence  and  Jake — Jake 
alone — was  to  blame.  He  must  find 
Jake. 

Another  week  dragged  on.  All  day 
long  Spiegelbrauer  slept.  All  night 
long  he  passed  an  aimless,  fruitless, 
wandering  existence,  without  friends, 
without  cheer.  His  entire  life  had 

28 


Jake — or  Sam 

broken  from  its  moorings  and  was 
drifting  helplessly  upon  a  black  and 
dreary  sea,  upon  which  there  shone  but 
two  bright  lights,  viz.,  10  A.M.  and  10 
P.M.  At  10  A.M.,  invariably,  he  fell 
asleep.  At  10  P.M.,  invariably,  he 
awoke.  Beyond  those  two  lights  all 
was  dark  and  chaos.  More  and  more 
intense  grew  his  desire  to  find  Jake. 
And,  one  morning,  unexpectedly,  in 
the  early  dawn,  he  found  him. 

The  ties  that  bound  him  to  all  his 
former  haunts  having  been  severed, 
Spiegelbrauer  had  fallen  into  the  habit 
of  eating  what  he  called  his  dinner  at  a 
different  restaurant  each  morning.  He 
would  wander  aimlessly  along  the  least 
deserted  thoroughfares  in  the  dawn 
until  he  became  hungry,  and  then  drop 
into  the  first  eating-place  he  found.  It 
was  in  a  somewhat  dingy  establishment 
close  by  the  Bowery  that  he  came  upon 
the  Man  with  the  Glass  Eye.  He  had 
not  seen  him  enter  the  place,  but  while 
he  was  struggling  to  decipher  the  hand- 
writing of  the  bill  of  fare,  he  heard  a 
never-to-be-forgotten  voice. 

29 


Jake — or  Sam 

11  — and  just  as  she  splashed  in  I 
jumps — clothes  and  all — and  being 
what  you'd  call  a  pretty  nifty  swim- 
mer, I  soon  has  her  by  the  arm. 
'  Now,  your  grace,'  says  I — you've  got 
to  call  'em  that,  y'  know,  even  when 
they're  drownin' — *  Now,  your  grace,' 
I  says,  '  keep  a  stiff  upper  lip  and 
don't  try  to  claw  me,  and  I'll  get  you 
ashore.'  Well,  sir,  to  make  a  long 
story  short,  I  got  her  ashore,  and  then 
her  husband,  the  duke,  gave  me  this 
ring." 

Spiegelbrauer,  with  fast-beating 
heart,  turned  slowly  in  his  chair.  It 
was  Jake,  talking  to  the  waiter  and 
showing  him  a  somewhat  faded-looking 
ring  in  which  a  small  diamond  sparkled 
very  faintly.  Spiegelbrauer  approached 
him  and  with  an  assumption  of  easy 
joviality  slapped  him  on  the  back. 

"Hello,  Chake!"  he  cried.  The 
man  turned  to  look  at  him — gazed 
quite  a  long  time,  during  which  his 
artificial  orb  described  a  complete  revo- 
lution— and  then,  pointing  to  a  chair, 
said: 

so 


I  REMEMBER.     BUT  MY  NAME  AIN  T  JAKE. 
IT'S  SAM  " 


Jake — or  Sam 

"  Hello,  Miller.  Sit  down.  How's 
the  wife  and  all  the  babies? " 

Spiegelbrauer  could  hardly  credit  his 
senses.  '  Vot?  You  don't  remember 
me?  Spiegelbrauer?  Dot  night  in 
Kegelhopfen's?  My!  My!  Chake! 
Vot  a  poor  memory  you  haf ! " 

The  Man  with  the  Glass  Eye 
grinned.  "Oh,  yes!  I  remember. 
But  my  name  ain't  Jake.  It's  Sam. 
Let's  see!  We  went  to  the  skating- 
rink,  didn't  we?  With  Morrissey  and 
the  whole  crowd.  Yes,  I  remember 
perfectly.  Didn't  you  and  I  have  a 
bet  on  Amalgamated  copper?  You  bet 
ten  dollars  it  would  go  up,  and  I  bet 
it  would  drop  first.  You  lost,  you 
know." 

Spiegelbrauer's  poor  brain  was  reel- 
ing. That  Jake  could  have  forgotten 
that  memorable  epoch-making  night 
was  beyond  his  comprehension.  He 
seated  himself  beside  the  Man  with  the 
Glass  Eye,  and  wiped  the  perspiration 
from  his  brow,  and  then,  clutching  him 
tightly  by  the  arm,  began: 

"  Chake — or  Sam — it  makes  no  dif- 

32 


Jake — or  Sam 

ference  vot  iss  der  name — but  if  only 
you  had  a  idea  vot  iss  mit  me  since  dot 
time  I  seen  you,  you  vould  haf  pity. 
Now  you  are  a  fine  feller  vot  knows  a 
lot  unt — listen,  Chake — I  vant  your 
honest  advice.  Vot  would  you  do  if 
you  vos  in  my  place?" 

'Why  don't  you  go  to  the  races? 
I've  got  a  sure  thing  in  the  third  race. 
Had  dinner  with  the  owner  last  night. 
Did  I  ever  tell  you  how  I  met  him? 
It's  very  interesting.  The  Crown 
Prince  of — — " 

'  Vait !  Vait !  "  interrupted  Spiegel- 
brauer  gently.  "  Nefer  mind  about 
der  Crown  Prince  now.  But  listen  to 
me.  Tell  me  vot  you  vould  do."  And 
with  almost  pathetic  simplicity  he  told 
the  Man  with  the  Glass  Eye  the  whole 
story,  making  clear  to  him  what  his 
life  had  been  before  that  eventful  night 
at  Kegelhopfen's  and  what  it  had  been 
since. 

"  Now,  Chake,"  he  said  "  — or  Sam 

—I  haf  a  idea.    You  are  a  good  talker. 

You  are  a  fine  feller."     He  laid  his 

hand    affectionately    upon    the    man's 

33 


Jake — or  Sam 

shoulder.  '  You  kept  me  awake  a 
whole  night  long.  Keep  me  awake  a 
whole  day  unt  I  am  your  friend  for 
life.  I  ain'd  a  rich  man,  but  I  got  a 
liddle  money,  unt  vot  it  costs  I  pay. 
You  stay  by  me  till  ten  o'clock  to- 
night, unt  don't  let  me  sleep,  unt  I 
nefer  in  my  life  forget  it." 

Jake — or  Sam — wrinkled  his  brow. 

"  Spiegelheimer,"  he  began. 

"  Spiegelbrauer  iss  der  name." 

"  Well,  Spiegelbrauer,  I'll  tell  you. 
I've  got  a  private  mission  to-day.  See 
this  box? "  He  drew  a  big  black  box 
from  under  the  table.  '  Well,  sir,  this 
contains  a  new  kind  of  key-ring,  and 
I've  got  to  go  down  to  Fulton  Street 
and  sell  them.  Of  course,  it  ain't  in 
my  line,  but  I'm  on  the  lookout  for  an 
important  personage,  and  I  just  got 
a  cable  that  he'll  be  walking  down  Ful- 
ton Street  within  a  day  or  two.  So, 
in  order  not  to  arouse  suspicion,  I've 
got  to  stand  there  for  a  few  days  and 
make  believe  I'm  an  ordinary  pedler 
till  he  comes  along.  And  then— 
a-h-h-h!  "  He  smacked  his  lips. 

34 


Jake — or  Sam 

'  You  arrest  him? "  asked  Spiegel- 
brauer,  interested  despite  his  troubles. 

"Arrest  him?  No,  siree!  But  you 
just  wait.  I'll  tell  you  what  we'll  do. 
You  come  with  me  and  watch  me  do 
the  diplomatic.  If  he  doesn't  come  by 
noon,  I'll — Say,  Spiegy,  do  you  ever 
play  the  ponies?" 

'  Vot  iss  it  ?  "  asked  Spiegelbrauer. 

"By  cricky!"  exclaimed  the  Man 
with  the  Glass  Eye.  "  That's  the  idea. 
We'll  go  to  the  races.  I've  got  a  lead- 
pipe  in  the  third,  and  I'll  put  you  wise. 
Come  on,  Spiegy.  Let's  go  down  the 
street  and  get  a  drink,  and  then  we'll 
start  operations." 

Before  they  reached  Fulton  Street 
they  had  stopped  for  three  drinks  and, 
slowly  but  surely,  Spiegelbrauer  felt 
the  same  fascination  that  had  led  him 
astray  that  eventful  night  steal  over 
him  again.  The  man  never  allowed  a 
pause  to  creep  into  his  conversation. 
He  chatted  on  glibly,  aimlessly,  often 
incoherently,  but  always  with  the  most 
delightful  good-nature,  and  Spiegel- 
brauer, listening  to  every  word,  for- 

35 


Jake — or  Sam 

got  all  about  his  sorrows  and  never  for 
an  instant  felt  sleepy. 

"  Ach,  Chake!  Chake— or  Sam!"  he 
exclaimed,  laughing  heartily  at  a 
humorous  story  the  man  had  just  told 
about  the  Archduke  Alexandrovitch- 
sky.  "  If  you  unt  I  could  only 
stick  togedder,  vot  a  time  ve  could 
haf!" 

At  Fulton  Street  Spiegelbrauer  re- 
ceived a  momentary  shock.  The  Man 
with  the  Glass  Eye,  who  had  never 
for  an  instant  allowed  the  black  box 
to  leave  his  hands,  now  opened  it,  drew 
out  a  folded  tripod,  which  he  set  upon 
the  curb-stone,  and  with  a  dexterity 
born  of  long  practice  fastened  the  box 
upon  it. 

"  Come  on,  boys,"  he  began  in  the 
shrill  singsong  of  the  sidewalk  vender. 
"  Step  up  to  the  captain's  office.  Key- 
rings. Key-chains!  Ye  can't  break 
'em!  Ye  can't  lose  'em!  How  do  we 
get  the  keys  upon  the  little  ring?  The 
swiftness  of  the  hand  deceives  the  eye! 
Come  on,  boys!  Step  up.  Only 
twenty-five  cents — one  quarter  of  a 

36 


Jake — or  Sam 

simoleon — each,  guaranteed  for  five 
years,  silver-plated,  non-rusting,  non- 
corrosible,  non-kinkable,  non-breakable, 
guarantee-e-ed!  Come  on,  boys.  Only 
twenty-five  cents  apiece! " 

Spiegelbrauer,  for  just  one  instant, 
was  taken  aback.  But  with  a  charm- 
ing smile  the  Man  with  the  Glass  Eye 
whispered  to  him: 

"  How  do  I  do  it?  Great,  ain't  it? 
Been  practicing  all  week.  I'll  bet  they 
all  think  I'm  a  regular  pedler.  Hey, 
Spiegy?" 

Spiegelbrauer  felt  relieved.  '  You 
sure  do  it  fine,"  he  said.  "  Maybe  it's 
better  if  I  buy  vun.  Den  nobody  vill 
suspect  nodding." 

He  bought  one,  and  the  Man  with 
the  Glass  Eye  took  an  almost  boyish 
pleasure  in  showing  him  how  it  worked. 

"  Now,"  he  said,  "  you  walk  up  and 
down  and  keep  your  eye  peeled  for  a 
man  with  a  wooden  leg  and  a  big  scar 
across  his  cheek  and  a  red  beard." 

"  Hass  he  eyeglasses  got?"  asked 
Spiegelbrauer,  "  because  if  not  den  I 
vunce  knew  a  man  like  dot  in  Parten- 

37 


Jake — or  Sam 

kirchen  vare  I  vas  born,  only  he  had  a 
black  beard." 

It  lasted  nearly  four  hours.  Twice 
the  Man  with  the  Glass  Eye  asked 
Spiegelbrauer  to  mind  his  stand  while 
he  went  for  a  drink,  and  twice  Spiegel- 
brauer walked  as  far  as  the  door  of  a 
saloon  and  had  a  drink  brought  out  for 
himself — he  would  not  let  his  man  out 
of  his  sight.  Then  Jake — or  Sam — 
counted  up  his  profits. 

'  Twelve  sales — three  dollars — bully 
for  me!  Come  on,  Spiegy;  let's  get 
something  to  eat,  and  then  we'll  go  to 
the  races." 

"But  supposing  der  man  comes?" 

"  Sh-h!  "  The  Man  with  the  Glass 
Eye  looked  around  eagerly,  saw  that 
no  one  was  observing  him  and  whis- 
pered into  Spiegelbrauer's  ear: 

"  Sh-h-h!  My  side  partner  is  on 
deck.  Don't  notice  him!  Walk  right 
on  with  me.  Sh-h-h!" 

Spiegelbrauer  was  intensely  happy. 
It  was  noon,  and  he  was  not  sleepy! 
Whether  it  was  the  drinks  he  had  con- 
sumed, or  the  lively  companionship  of 

38 


THE    MAN    WITH    THE    GLASS    EYE    SEEMED    AL 


Jake — or  Sam 

the  Man  with  the  Glass  Eye,  or  the 
unwonted  excitement  of  doing  things 
he  had  never  done  before,  Spiegel- 
brauer  did  not  stop  to  consider.  For 
Spiegelbrauer  wasn't  what  you  would 
call  a  philosopher.  But  the  hours  were 
slipping  by,  one  by  one,  and  the  old 
and  natural  order  of  things  was  ap- 
proaching nearer  and  nearer.  Once  or 
twice  a  feeling  that  was  suspiciously 
like  drowsiness  fell  upon  him,  but  a 
wonderful  story  about  some  famous 
duke  or  queen  that  the  Man  with  the 
Glass  Eye  had  known,  or  some  new 
kind  of  drink  that  he  would  suggest, 
enabled  Spiegelbrauer  to  throw  it  off 
easily.  It  was  a  repetition  of  that 
memorable  night,  with  the  difference 
that  Spiegelbrauer  was  doing  his  best 
to  prolong  instead  of  shorten  it. 

They  went  to  the  races.  Spiegel- 
brauer insisted  upon  paying  all  ex- 
penses and  even  offered  his  companion 
some  money  to  wager  upon  a  horse. 
But,  curiously  enough,  the  man  would 
accept  nothing. 

"  Keep  your  dough  for  the  lead-pipe 

40 


Jake — or  Sam 

in  the  third,"  he  said,  "  and  after  that 
we'll  blow  in  the  winnings." 

The  unexpected  really  happens  occa- 
sionally. The  "  lead-pipe "  actually 
won,  and  Spiegelbrauer,  for  the  first 
time  in  his  fife,  found  himself  in  pos- 
session of  nearly  a  hundred  dollars  that 
he  had  not  earned. 

"  Chake,"  he  said,  "  I  mean  Sam— 
you  are  a  vunder!  How  did  it 
happen?  You  must  be  a  million- 
aire." 

"  Well,  what  did  I  tell  you?  They 
couldn't  beat  that  horse.  Let's  get  an 
automobile  afterwards  and  ride  down 
to  the  beach.  What  d'ye  say?" 

They  hired  an  automobile  and  rode 
down  to  the  beach.  There  Spiegel- 
brauer insisted  upon  buying  one  bottle 
of  champagne  after  another,  and  the 
more  he  drank  the  happier  he  became. 
And  slowly  the  cobwebs  lifted  from 
his  brain,  and  he  was  once  more  able 
to  think  in  his  old  and  simple  way.  He 
glanced  at  his  watch.  It  was  nine 
o'clock.  Spiegelbrauer  fairly  chortled 
with  happiness. 

41 


Jake — or  Sam 

"  Vait  a  minute,"  he  said.  "  I  vill 
be  right  back." 

He  went  to  the  office  of  the  hotel 
and  entered  into  earnest  conversation 
with  the  clerk,  who  summoned  a  burly 
porter,  to  whom  Spiegelbrauer  told  his 
story  over  again.  As  he  returned  to 
the  dining-room,  beaming  with  joy, 
they  both  gazed  after  him  in  amaze- 
ment. 

"  Come,  Chakey — Sam,"  he  cried 
jovially.  "  Let's  haf  von  more  bottle, 
unt  den— 

*  Then  let's  go  back  to  town  and 
take  in  the  end  of  a  roof -garden  show." 

Spiegelbrauer  chuckled.  "  Choost 
vait!"  he  said.  "  Ve  vill  see  vot  ve 
vill  see!  Now  listen,  vunce,  Chake— 
Sam.  Half  unt  half  alike — dot's  my 
motto.  You  had  der  tip — I  had  der 
money.  Here  iss  fifty  dollars  vot  you 
put  in  your  pocket." 

The  Man  with  the  Glass  Eye  seemed 
almost  reluctant  to  take  it.  '  I'll  have 
to  blow  it  in  to-night,"  he  said. 

"Ha!  Ha!  Choost  vait!  Choost 
vait!" 

42 


Jake — or  Sam 

And  just  then  a  shadow  fell  across 
the  table.  "  Come  on,  boss.  It's  five 
minutes  to  ten." 

It  was  the  burly  porter,  and  Spie- 
gelbrauer  clutched  him  tightly  by  the 
arm  as  if  he  feared  he  might  vanish 
away. 

"Ha!  Ha!"  he  laughed.  "I'm  a 
safed  man.  Good  night,  Sammy — 
Chake!  Good  night,  old  boy;  it's  ten 
o'clock!  Ha!  Ha!  Ha!  Ho!  Ho!  Ho! 
It's  all  right  again!  Hooray!" 

The  Man  with  the  Glass  Eye  gazed 
at  him  in  amazement.  '  Why, 
Spiegy,"  he  said,  "what  is  the  matter?" 

"Der  matter?  Ha!  Ha!  Ha!  I 
caught  up  mit  myself!  Dot's  der  mat- 
ter! Ha!  Ha!  Ha!" 

Shaking  with  laughter  and  clinging 
tightly  to  the  porter's  arm,  Spiegel- 
brauer  went  into  the  hotel  and  five 
minutes  later,  without  having  removed 
either  his  shoes  or  his  hat,  but  with  a 
smile  of  seraphic  content  upon  his  face, 
was  sound  asleep. 

Meanwhile  the  Man  with  the  Glass 
Eye  sat  where  Spiegelbrauer  had  left 

43 


Jake — or  Sam 

him,  his  brow  puckered  into  a  puzzled 
frown.  Then  he  drew  a  penknife  from 
his  pocket  and  slowly  carved  his  initials 
upon  the  table,  whistling  softly  the 
while. 


UC  SOUTHERN  REGIONAL  LIBRARY  FACILITY 


A    001418096    2 


